Jon Gosselin just keeps fishing for ways to make his estranged wife, Kate Gosselin, look as bad as he does. The problem is that even though she is a bitch, the woman still has enough class and smarts to not only handle herself better in the media, but also prove to be a more attentive parent.

Bottom line, that’s the most important thing, how you treat your kids. Far as we can see, you haven’t even been there to see them in the last 2 weeks!

Regardless, Jon is attempting to smear Kate’s image some more by suggesting that Kate confused the kids into being upset that the show was put on hold. He insists that he doubts his kids were “wailing and sobbing”, as Kate suggested, when they got the news the show may be over.

His reasoning: they weren’t that upset when they learned their parents were getting a divorce!

He says: “…when we told them we were going to get divorced, the 5-year old said, ‘What’s for lunch?’ The only two people who really cared were [9-year-old twins] Mady and Cara. Cara broke down and Mady said, ‘Oh, I saw this coming.’”

What five-year-old understands what getting divorced means?! Give them another year or two, filled with neglect and constantly being shuffled around. Then, they will show some concern.

Ok, so what else you got?

Well, Jon believes that Kate manipulated the kids into reacting badly to the news of the show being temporarily placed on hiatus. He explains that she probably told them: “Oh, daddy’s put a halt on filming. Your friends are going to go away…She probably worded it in a way that’s a violation to them, or their sense of security.”

Well, maybe if you had been at the house yourself to explain the situation to them, it wouldn’t have been like that.

But, oh wait, your endless guest appearances on trashy TV talks shows take priority, right? Right?!

[Image via WENN.]

Paris Hilton breaks out her acting chops as she joins Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles on an episode of Supernatural.

The 28-year-old hotel heiress plays herself in the episode and allegedly kidnaps someone. Catch Paris’s episode this Thursday at 9pm EST!

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But it’s not what you think. According to a source Shannen Doherty “is putting final touches on a reality-type series to show her ‘lighter and funnier’ side”.

Really?

The show, which for the moment is titled Shannen, will have the actress star and produce.

That’s the best title they could come up with?

The source continues: “She’s excited about it, because she doesn’t want that stigma anymore of being a bitch.”

It’s worked for almost 20 years, why stop now?

As far as the format of the show, that’s still up in the air, but there’s a possibility it may have “scripted elements”.

Of course it will. It’s not reality television without some sort of fake element. Just ask the Kardashians!

Hopefully this will work out better than her 2006 series Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty. What you don’t remember that show? Neither do we.

Will U be watching Brenda Shannen’s new show???

[Image via WENN.]

Following her appearance on Cobra Starship’s Top Ten-charting guilty pleasure “Good Girls Go Bad”, Gossip Girl lead bitch/ aspiring pop star Leighton Meester gets a chance to flex her skills solo with the recently leaked “Set It On Fire”, an extremely electro-poppy number with a hook that thieves the melody from New Order’s oft-re-visited ’80’s classic “Blue Monday”.

And while it doesn’t come across as something that will be making Lady GaGa nervous of her digitized dance-pop reign in the US being threatened, an eyeroll-assisted semi-chuckle can be had in hearing the actress sing/ boast lines like “Why you think the club hot?/ Cause I set it on fire/ Why you think the carpet red?/ Cause I set it on fire”. All together now: **eyeroll**, **semi-chuckle**.

Set In On Fire

Bette Davis Eyes

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HAHAHA! And he thought his wife was a bitch!

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LeAnn Rimes already took a bull dozer to Brand Glanville’s marriage by stealing her hot piece of a husband Eddie Cibrian, and now she’s trying to take everything else. That’s what Brandi told UsWeekly anyway. According to Brandi, she is currently starring in a life remake of Single White Female with her in the Bridget Fonda role and LeAnn in the Jennifer Jason Leigh Role. Worst remake ever.

Brandi said that LeAnn better back her coochie up, because she’s getting way too close, “I have a new neighbor and her name is LeAnn Rimes. She’s moved in a half a mile from my house and a block from my son’s school. So she is completely space invading me at the moment so things are not cool. There is a point where she needs to have a sensitive side and back the F up. Honestly, she’s Single White Female-ing me. She wants my life. She wants my kids. She wants my husband. She can have most of everything but just not my children or my family.“

Brandi is being way too dramatic about this. I doubt LeAnn is stealing her life on purpose. LeAnn probably can’t even see Brandi’s life clearly, because her eyes are always in the damn squint position. Bitch can’t open her eyes! Brandi needs to think about that.

And when is Eddie Cibrian going to start copying the life of LeAnn’s gayfaced husband? We all want to know when Eddie starts trolling the glory holes and bleaching his no-no.

Before Lady CaCa was a serious fartiste who wears hamster balls as fashion, she was just a regular girl who went by the name of Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta. Above is that regular girl on MTV’s Boiling Point back in the day. Boiling Point was this bunk ass hidden-camera show that challenged bitches to keep their cool when faced with fuckery. I couldn’t ever get through an episode of that crap without shouting “SHANK THE BITCH” at least once. I mean, why would you not want to unleash your inner cunt when you have the chance? Makes no sense.

Anyway, it’s nice to see Lady CaCa as a norman human being who used to wear Forever 21 and isn’t constantly blabbing about how she shits out masterpieces on the regular.

And if you don’t flip the bitch switch while watching this mess from the side, then you win! This clip is side-eyeing itself.

VIA ONTD

Lady CaCa and Gay Fish’s “Fame Kills” tour has officially been be-headed and now it’s running around the backyard looking for a mic to snatch. Live Nation announced that the show will not go on and they will refund all tickets.

They didn’t give a reason, but I’m guessing that there weren’t enough dressing rooms in any of the venues to house both of their egos. Shit, this planet is barely big enough to hold both of their egos. They will both have to start renting storage space on other planets soon.

But seriously, this is probably the result of yet another Kanye West hissy fit. He probably walked in on Lady CaCa in the middle of a tuck and took a good look at her erect hermie peen. This set him off, because we all know her dick is bigger than his. Kanye immediately starving waving his fins and shouting shit like, “WHY DOES SHE HAVE A BIG DICK AND I DON’T?! WHY DIDN’T ANYONE OFFER ME A BIG DICK?! I QUIT THIS BITCH!” That’s exactly what happened.

Source: Associated Press

Hugh Jackmeoff and Daniel Craig were doing serious acting stuff in their Broadway play A Steady Rain the other night when they were interrupted by someone’s annoying ass cell phone. The cell phone kept buzzing away which caused Hugh’s succulent ass lips to get twisted. Hugh kept in character as he told the evil doer to shut their cell phone’s mouth up. When the cell phone refused to shut up, James Bond finally spoke up, “Can you get that, whoever that is? Can you get it? We can wait, just get the phone.“

This is why theater ushers should carry tasers. When a cell phone rings, taser the bitch, drag them out of the theater and go on with the show! Although, I am guilty of forgetting to turn my ringer off during a show (blame the good shit). The best/worst part of the story is that my ring at the time was Khia’s “My Neck, My Back.” Even in the dark, I could see a dozen shank eyes being thrown my way. It kind of gave me the tingles.

Source VIA Popeater

NBC Philadelphia shot some very important footage of a mob of cunty turkeys (let’s call them Heather Mills, Kate Gosselin, Michael K and Candy Spelling) attacking a woman and her son in their NJ neighborhood. Don’t worry, the woman bruised her vocal cords a bit, but other than that, they were fine. They could have easily got the turkeys to quit that bitch by threatening to shove a box of Stove Top up their gobble gobbles.

Apparently, the wild turkeys wreak havoc every afternoon. Nobody knows where they come from or they why keep going back to the same neighborhood. It’s a mystery. Paging Detective La Toya!

Maybe the turkeys think that 2009 is the year the tables will turn and they will eat stuffed human on Thanksgiving instead of the other way around. The turkeys are revolting! Keep fucking that chicken, turkeys!

VIA Buzzfeed