With all the press Lindsay Lohan has gotten in the past week, it was only a matter of time before Michael Lohan opened his mouth about his daughter.

Taking time out from speaking on his BFF Jon Gosselin, the media whore father says he’s worried about Lilo’s downward spiral.

But, Poppa Lohan has a plan!

He says: “I’m going to get her off the prescription drugs that she’s on. I hate it when people talk about illegal drug abuse…because it’s not just drinking and illegal drugs that kill you. Prescription drugs can destroy and kill a person and are sometimes harder to stop. Look at Heath Ledger and Michael Jackson.”

Thanks for teaching us Drugs 101, but comparing Lindsay to Heath Ledger and Michael Jackson is like comparing apples and oranges. They actually had very successful careers.

Michael also explains why she’s not acting. You know why Lindsay’s not acting in feature films right now? Because she can’t.”

Tell us something we don’t know!

He goes on to say “The girl with all the talent is hidden and buried deep inside this fungus that’s grown because of the prescription drugs. She can’t be herself. When you hug her she’s like, vacant inside. When she kisses or holds me I get chills, and not in a good way-in a bad way.”

Umm a fungus inside her??? We don’t think that’s from prescription drugs.

Michael rambles on for a while, but never actually says what he’s going to do. However, he does manage to blame this somewhat on himself and, of course, Dina because – according to him – “Everything was fine in our family until Dina and I got divorced.”

Poppa Lohan better get to the girl soon since that whole fashion thing didn’t work out. It’s only a matter of time before she takes a cue from her little sister Ali.

[Image via WENN.]

According to Michael Lohan, his daughter Blohan is in a bad way and is on the path to complete destruction. Instead of tying her to bed and getting Daddy Spears to perform an exorcism on her (using cheese grits), Michael ran off to Radar.

Michael said that right after he’s done making money off of her by barfing all the details of her problems to the media, he’s going to help her. Michael queefed, “I’m going to get her off the prescription drugs that she’s on. I hate it when people talk about illegal drug abuse… because it’s not just drinking and illegal drugs that kill you. Prescription drugs can destroy and kill a person and are sometimes harder to stop. Look at Heath Ledger and Michael Jackson.“

Michael wouldn’t say what kind of pills she’s addicted to, but went on to say that they are ruining her life, “You know why Lindsay’s not acting in feature films right now? Because she can’t. Because the girl with all the talent is hidden and buried deep inside this fungus that’s grown because of the prescription drugs. She can’t be herself. When you hug her she’s like, vacant inside. When she kisses or holds me I get chills, and not in a good way-in a bad way. She’s a different person. I was out there for a week when she was living at the Sunset Marquis Hotel and I would sit there and cry. It was horrible. This was not the kid I raised. Whoever the people are that came into her life and convinced her otherwise should be thrown in jail, because they’re the same type of people who are responsible for the deaths of Heath Ledger, Michael Jackson and DJ AM. Everything was fine in our family until Dina and I got divorce. And that’s when all the kids’ lives started to unravel… including Lindsay’s.”

Michael Lohan is a true poet. Now I can understand why LiLo’s eating pharmacies whole, because just reading his words makes me want to feed from one of Paula Abdul’s nipples.

And the biggest fungus in her life goes by the scientific name of Michael Lohan. You heard the man, throw his ass in jail!

While Michael was singing and dancing to Radar, his daughter was in Paris partying it up with Busta Rhymes.

• Mariah Carey flies high
• Lindsay Lohan wears an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny little leopard print bikini
• Check out what Beyonce and Lady Gaga wore to the Billboard Women in Music event
• Abigail Breslin is a pumpkin spice latte lover
• Esquire names Kate Beckinsale the sexiest woman alive in 2009
• For Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy, opposites attract
• Elton John continues his search for a son
• Sean Penn kicks a photographer
• Before she was Gaga, she was on MTV’s Boiling Points
• Julianne Hough is looking lovely
• Paris Hilton: I’m thinkin’ Arby’s
• Here’s what Kristen and Rob go through every day

Not that it is in anyway surprising anymore, but Lindsay Lohan looked like a complete mess on and off the runway of the Emmanuel Ungaro Pret a Porter womenswear show in Paris this weekend.

Even in the worst of times, we can’t think of any other actress that has done such damage to herself! She looks ancient, her eyes a severely effed up, and the fact that she can’t even simply walk down a runway without someone holding her up, is pretty damn sad. And not just anyone – a model had to hold her ass up! The girl probably eats nothing but celery all day, yet she has more upper-body strength than LiLo.

Things don’t look good for you girl. Time to get some help and fast!

[Image via WENN.]

Lindsay Lohan struts her stuff on the catwalk with Spanish designer Estrella Archs after the Emmanuel Ungaro fashion show during Paris Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2010 at Le Carrousel du Louvre on Sunday (October 4) in France.

Three weeks ago, it was announced that Lohan would be the fashion house’s new creative director.

When asked how she collaborated with Estrella, Lohan explained, “We both kind of mixed our (ideas) together, and that’s why it came out so well. I really appreciate everything that goes into, like, any article of clothing. I think it’s fantastic and I think it’s so expressive in so many ways.”

After the show, FWD reported, “Too many of the styling tricks did not come off. It’s all very well covering the odd nipple with sequined hearts, but placing the same thing on a half dozen heads was naff. And on three occasions straps fell off shoulders, or boobs suddenly swung out form tuxedo jackets, which was a little unlucky, bit did not look too professional.”

SOURCE

Lindsay Lohan struts her stuff on the catwalk with Spanish designer Estrella Archs after the Emmanuel Ungaro fashion show during Paris Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2010 at Le Carrousel du Louvre on Sunday (October 4) in France.

Three weeks ago, it was announced that Lohan would be the fashion house’s new creative director.

When asked how she collaborated with Estrella, Lohan explained, “We both kind of mixed our (ideas) together, and that’s why it came out so well. I really appreciate everything that goes into, like, any article of clothing. I think it’s fantastic and I think it’s so expressive in so many ways.”

After the show, FWD reported, “Too many of the styling tricks did not come off. It’s all very well covering the odd nipple with sequined hearts, but placing the same thing on a half dozen heads was naff. And on three occasions straps fell off shoulders, or boobs suddenly swung out form tuxedo jackets, which was a little unlucky, bit did not look too professional.”

30+ pictures inside of Lindsay Lohan at the Ungaro show…

Remember how La Loca LOLhan got paid to host the F1 Rocks in Singapore last weekend????

Well, her presence wasn’t very warmly received by concertgoers!

We had received emails about this, but now….we have video!!!!

Watch Lindsanity get booed off the stage (above)!

Lindsay Lohan celebrates the opening of the “90 years of Vogue covers” exhibition at Crillon Hotel on Thursday (October 1) in Paris, France.

The 23-year-old actress was recently named Creative Consultant to French design house Emanuel Ungaro. She wrote on her Twitter page, “I just saw my office at Emanuel Ungaro en Paris. It’s so pretty. I was shocked and so happy I cried. A dream come true.”

Lindsay also extended an invitation to Miley Cyrus: “Will you be in Paris this week? Would you like to come to the Emanuel Ungaro show for the new collection I’ve designed love? xo*”

15+ pictures inside of Ungaro creative consultant Lindsay Lohan…

And GOODNIGHT! This picture of Lindsay Lohan out in Paris last night can be used for a variety of purposes. If you’ve got a problem with critters digging up your garden, simply place this picture near your plants and they will never ever return again. In fact, they might suffer cardiac arrest, so you’ll have meat for dinner! And if your kids have been messing with the wrong stuff, just show them this picture and they will immediately check themselves into the nearest nunnery. Shit, I don’t even have a booze problem (fuck the first step) and this picture might force me to go to rehab and devote my life to Jesus. SCARED STRAIGHT! JUST PLAIN SCARED!

But on a serious note, I feel for SamRo. The poor thing’s crotch area is probably cold, because her labia lips have been stuck to HoHan’s face for the past few weeks. That’s very selfish of HoHan.

Speaking of disturbing fuckery, here’s 15-year-old Ali Lohan looking like she just slipped out of the exhaust pipe on the Rock of Love Bus.

Well, at least she’s appropriately dressed to work the ho stroll now. Why isn’t White Oprah in jail?

Someone get Billy Ray Cyrus on the line and alert him that his daughter, Miley Cyrus, has just received an invitation from the DEVIL!

On her Twitter this past Wednesday afternoon, Lindsay Lohan offered sweet, lil’ Miles an apple from the forbidden tree – an invite to hang out together! She tweeted:

“@mileycyrus will you be in Paris this week? would you like to come to the Emanuel Ungaro show for the new collection i’ve designed love? xo*”

Miley, please, listen to us. Do not, under any circumstances, spend time with this person. She was you a mere 4-5 years ago and now, look at her! She can’t land a decent movie, her love life is in shambles, and if we may be frank, sometimes her hair looks like someone grabbed some hay and pasted it on her head. Literally, she will suck the innocence right out of you. Just look at her sister!

You don’t want your career to go the way of hers. Stay the course. Call up your girl Mandy Jiroux or someone your own age. Avoid her at all costs!!!

We also would like to extend this warning to Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez, and Ashley Tisdale, as well as any other future Disney tween starletts in the making.

Sorry, there’s no helping you Vanexxxa Hudgens. You should give LiLo a call!

P.S. CLICK HERE to “follow” Perez on Twitter!

[Image via WENN.]